I managed to get my CD drive re-installed, so it can now be read. I had to puzzle for a while as to how to cable a slave CD drive onto a secondary IDE drive, but I figured it out eventually. I plugged a PCI Fast Ethernet Adapter (D-Link DFE-530TX+) into an empty slot (after loading drivers from the CD, per instructions). I could see it in the control panel, but when I tried to load the drivers, it couldn't find the right files, and suggested a Win98 CD (something I haven't got). After much frustration and considerable use of the "Find" function, I was able to locate the missing files (in two different folders on the hard drive, and on the CD disc). So now Monday I can go down to acquire the Verizon modem and sign up for the service, and then we'll see how if this works.
Oh, and at the moment (maybe because I pushed at it a little while I was mucking around inside the box) the sound card works. I don't have an audio cable from the CD drive to the sound card, for reasons I can't explain, but that's probably easily gotten.
Hurray! Congratulations. Now you need an external Firewall/Router (what, you thought you were done with Circuit City?), and don't forget to install ZoneAlarm.
And then you can install a glowing fan, and a cigarette lighter/beverage tray, and before you know it you'll be swapping your whole system to a clear acrylic PC case, and by now you're pretty much doomed to a life of pain and loneliness under the soft blue glow of your new internal USB cabling.
Maybe dial-up wasn't so bad after all.
I don't have an audio cable from the CD drive to the sound card, for reasons I can't explain
I think they migrate, like orphan socks. I seem to be at a locus -- I have 3 or 4 of the things in the Big Closet Box O' Cables.