Linkmeister

Fafnir!

This advice was meant for New Yorkers, but I'm sure it holds equally well for future city-dwellers whose home town hosts the Republican convention:

Remember to bring lots of umbrellas an sunscreen because your Republican is not used to the harsh light of open nature. He has been raised in dark squalid caves filled with toxic poisons where he hunts bats an small elves for sustenance. Do not take your Republican to a museum! He comes from a "Red State" where all art is banned an has been replaced by very large engines eternally pumpin greenhouse gases into the atmosphere for no reason whatsoever. Exposure to the culture shock of an art installation or even a sidewalk painter could cause him to choke on the industrial waste that flows through his body in place of blood.